Before I started fall semester I was questioning if I really wanted to be an English teacher but now I know it is what I am supposed to do. I would love to say I was born to be a mother and wife but that's just not the case. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother and I would love the opportunity to be a wife again someday. But I am born to write and teach.
When I was a little girl I dreamt of being a teacher but I lost sight of that dream along the way. As a teenager I wrote as a release. I would write anything; poems, short stories, rants or unsent letters. After high school and marriage writing didn't make sense anymore. I eventually stopped writing and lost a huge part of myself.
Due to necessity I chose to go back and get a degree. I had a very hard time deciding on a major. I felt that if I had to work I needed to do something I love. Thankfully my mother convinced me to go into English. I was forced to begin writing again and I'm so excited about it. The more I wrote the more I felt like myself again. I know I still have a ton of work to do but I'm ready for it. If I keep writing I will be just fine no matter how hard things might get.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Some Dreams Shouldn't Come True
I have decided that dreams are a form of cruel and unusual punishment.
I remember my dreams about 80% of the time and only a few of them are pleasant. My dreams seem to be getting worse the older I get. I've had them all; falling, being chased, going to school naked, violence and betrayal. The absolute worst ones are when something is happening to Parker and I can't save him. I have even attended his funeral in a dream once, I actually woke up crying.
Other times I'll have dreams about my day. For example, if I watch a disheartening movie I'll dream about something similar. If I watch something on the news I'll dream about the same thing happening to me. The real problem is that the dreams seem very real.
After I have bad dreams I end up laying in bed for hours and then I spend the entire next day agonizing about them. My Mom usually has awful dreams to. I always wondered what she meant about not resting, I think I'm starting to understand. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever sleep restfully again.
I remember my dreams about 80% of the time and only a few of them are pleasant. My dreams seem to be getting worse the older I get. I've had them all; falling, being chased, going to school naked, violence and betrayal. The absolute worst ones are when something is happening to Parker and I can't save him. I have even attended his funeral in a dream once, I actually woke up crying.
Other times I'll have dreams about my day. For example, if I watch a disheartening movie I'll dream about something similar. If I watch something on the news I'll dream about the same thing happening to me. The real problem is that the dreams seem very real.
After I have bad dreams I end up laying in bed for hours and then I spend the entire next day agonizing about them. My Mom usually has awful dreams to. I always wondered what she meant about not resting, I think I'm starting to understand. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever sleep restfully again.
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