Something happened last night that broke my heart.
I was sitting on my bed with Parker looking at pictures on facebook. One of the photos I saw was of a friend of mine holding a certificate of completion for a phlebotomy course. I said it was cool and he asked why. I said she took a class and she passed, isn't that cool? Parker asked "She passed?" I said yes. Then he said, "You mean she died?"
My heart stopped. I assured him that no, that's not the kind of passed I meant. I explained what I meant the best I could. He seemed satisfied and left my room to go play. I just sat there. Completely stunned. My six year old hears the word passed and automatically associates it with death.
I feel terrible. I know that I can't help what happened, I can't change it. As much as I want to, it's not possible. But at the same time, I feel as if I've failed to protect him somehow. I feel like his carefree childhood has been ripped away.
I'm not sure what to do. I thought I had done everything I could to shelter him from the brunt of Q's death. Now, I feel like I need to do more but I don't know what.
That's sweet that you want to protect him but I wouldn't get too caught up in this situation. Think of it as him learning the quirks of the language. I had a friend in college who grew up in Spain. A mutual friend passed out and had to be taken to the hospital. She was fine but in the meantime the Spanish friend called another mutual friend and told her the girl had passed away rather than passed out.
ReplyDeleteBecky I'm just thinking of you today as next week will be 4 months. As time goes on it feels like the support and/or compassion weans. Not like you need attention and fanfare for the rest of your life, but your shock and pain outlasts the "support" and hopefully a few voices remain that tell you THIS IS STILL BRAND SPANKIN NEW. And you are a hero.
ReplyDeleteLove.
Wow, really four months. That's right, the sun was hot. Baseball. It really was a beautiful day, that day. I can still smell the scent of the baseball park as Kir and I sat thinking of the woman that had lost her lover. We knew that there was one out there. I'm still thinking of you.
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