I start fall semester this week, and I'm finding it very difficult to stay in control of myself. I have an overwhelming desire to rip my hair out and run screaming into the night. That would be quite the sight, not very productive though. The questions of where would I end up and what I would do with my life are the only things keeping my feet planted in one spot.
I am absolutely terrified, why? Logically school makes sense; improving myself, expanding my knowledge, creating a secure life for me and my son, meeting new and exciting people. Strangely enough all those things that make sense are also the things I'm terrified of...it's the unknown. What will I be like when I know more, when I'm a "grown-up" with a real career? Who will I meet? The idea of meeting and impressing new people is enough to make me want to stay away.
Lets talk about the workload now. For some reason I've become a perfectionist (where did that come from?) and it's getting worse the older I get. I succeeded in my quest for perfection summer semester but I'm not so sure I can do the same when I'm up against 16 credit hours a week. I want to finish on time, early if at all possible...but is it worth the price I'm gonna end up paying? How will I react if I get a low grade, or if I have to drop a class?
Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much, I usually do. I'm creating problems that don't really exist. Perhaps I should just put my head down and get to it, stop thinking...just do what needs to be done and think about it later. I guess that's my plan because running isn't an option. It's not a very well thought out plan but that's kind of the point.
I had all your same questions and concerns. You probably won't get a straight 4.0 the whole time you do school. Especially because English is subjective and some teachers grade on opinion rather than argument. However, like my mom told me every time I called her-ten years from now nobody is going to know or care about your G.P.A. Just get it done the best you can. You probably will have a few A-'s along the way. Just be prepared for it. Work hard, and it will work out. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, you also have an awesome cousin who just finished an English degree. Feel free to call her.