A quick update on how I'm doing. Things are slowly getting back to normal, whatever "normal" is. I am doing my best to pick up the sad little pieces of that old life and move forward. I started school again today so that has helped. I am beginning to feel like I have direction again. I've had some amazing people come into my life and I've been reminded of all the amazing people I already had in my life. Everyone has done their part to make it easier on me, each in their own way.
Something happened last night, I had a dream about Q. Not the kind of dream I've described before about trying to save him, it was a good dream that has left me feeling like I can make it. I won't go into all the details about the dream because some are just too meaningful to put on the internet. In my dream, I could see him and talk to him. He looked so incredibly happy. Kid in a candy store happy. There was a light in his eyes that I've never seen before. He said so many things to comfort me. He told me he loved me, that he missed me, that he was proud of me and that I would be ok. Then he kissed me, and I woke up.
Now, I don't know if he was really there. I don't know if our spirits were connected and we actually communicated with each other. I don't know if I've just reached another level of crazy. The skeptic in me wants to dismiss it. The believer in me wants to treasure it. In all reality, whether it actually happened or not is irrelevant. I feel better and that's what matters. I don't fully understand the afterlife and all the rules that go along with it. I'm not so sure I want to understand everything yet.
What I do know is that I'm better today than I was yesterday. I am touched and grateful for what I felt last night. Whatever it was, dream or reality, it came at just the right time. I was at my wits end yesterday. I was wondering if I could keep going. I needed Q to remind me of the good life I have but I knew he couldn't. As I fell asleep last night I wished that my life was different. For a brief moment, it was.
This is nearly word-for-word of what happened to me. Right down to the part where you say that it is too meaningful to share. Brent showed me his world that was filled with the brightest, purest love. And I can't wait to get there. But I'm in no hurry because I have nearly that level of love right here.
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