Reflections

Not long after I met Q I wrote a post about jumping with both feet, you can read it here. It was a very difficult thing for me to do. I'm still not sure why I had such a hard time with it, I'll probably never figure it out. That's not the point though. The point is, I am so glad I made that leap of faith. I chose the best person in the world to give my heart to.

I mentioned in that post that I would be strong enough to get hurt and survive. Looking back it seems I was daring fate to test me. I've been sitting here going back through old posts and that line hit me like a ton of bricks. This was not the hurt I was expecting but I realized an amazing thing. I will survive this.

I felt strong enough to trust someone completely knowing that it might not work out. I wish that things turned out differently. But I can't change what happened, now is the time for accepting it. Something that is helping me is that I'm quickly discovering that I was right, I am strong enough. I think part of that is because I was blessed to experience loving someone with my eyes wide open. I let Q in and it was magical. I know that sounds cheesy and cliche but I have no other way to describe it. It was absolutely magical.

I look back on our time together and I just think, "It was so fun!" Everything we did was fun. Working on Q's house, fixing airplanes together, adopting our kitties, road trips, all fun. We goofed off together, pulled faces at each other, sent dirty jokes back and forth. We acted like a couple of kids. Even when we were being grown-ups we had fun.

Maybe I'm biased now but I even have good memories about when we would fight. I used to get mad at him for being so reasonable during arguments. Its actually quite funny. I remember venting to him about something and he was trying to fix it by giving me advice. I said, "That's not the point" he very calmly replied, "Ok, what is the point?" It was so sweet, but so maddening at the same time. I just wanted to be mad dang-it, and he had to go and be wonderful. It was just who he was. He always wanted to listen and be understanding. I love that about him.