Life Lessons

I spent yesterday trying to re-center myself. I must say, it was one of the smartest decisions I've made so far. This process has been unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I don't think anything could have prepared me for what it is like. I thought grief would cause emotional distress but I had no idea it could cause physical stress too.

I have known for a long time that people internalize stress. How and where it is internalized is different for each person. I have learned that I put my stress in my stomach and neck. Quite the self discovery huh? Why it took me 28 years to figure this out is a mystery.

Up till now I have been so consumed by my emotional pain that I didn't make the connection. I've been feeling like crap but was too distracted to figure out why. Now that the emotional stuff has subsided a bit, I am noticing the toll this has taken on my body.

I cannot believe how tight my neck muscles are. No wonder my head, neck, shoulders and back have been hurting. This morning I thought, "Wow, my head really hurts." then I noticed I have been raising my shoulders. What's that about? I'm holding my shoulders up in a sort of constant shrug. I don't know how long I've been doing it but I've caught myself a couple more times just today.

I am incredibly fatigued too. I can probably chalk that up to stress too. I, in all my brilliance, have decided the way to stay awake is caffeine. Let me just say, caffeine mixed with an already upset stomach doesn't go over very well.

I am trying to keep a healthy perspective on everything, even though sometimes I fail miserably at that. It's amazing to me the things I am learning. I have learned about my family and friends. About who they are and what is truly important. They are showing me that family is the most important thing we have. I am learning so much about myself. I'm finally figuring out who I am and who I want to become. I have learned about my own strength, what my priorities are & what I want for my future.

Bottom line? Right now, in this moment, I am ok. Someday I will be ok for more than a moment but I'll take what I can get.