Today is a much better day for me. I think the shock of losing Quinn is starting to fade. I don't wake up thinking he'll be next to me anymore. I am able to look at text messages without a twinge of pain because it's not from him. I am beginning to adjust to a life alone. Happiness is a long way off though.
I still miss him terribly. Nothing is as fun without him. I still wish I could change things somehow. I want my old life back but now I'm beginning to accept that it just isn't possible. I am sure I'm just at the peak of the roller coaster. I would be foolish to think I'm in the clear. I will plummet downward again but I am enjoying this moment.
I've decided to try and pull myself together. I've talked about feeling as if I have no control. I now realize that I may not have control over everything but I can control some things. I took the advice of grief experts and went to the gym.
It was heavenly! Ok, it wasn't so heavenly in the moment I was working out but now I feel great. I left the gym last night feeling like myself. I was in control for the first time in weeks. No one could tell me how to run or for how long. No one stopped me from working the muscles I wanted to work. No one could keep me from going inside my head and pushing forward. I think I have found a release and I'm loving it.
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