Welcome to Crazy Town

Everything I've read about grieving says to expect the unexpected. Feel what you are feeling and don't worry about what's normal. Everyone responds differently. Blah, blah, blah. Not one of them says anything about feeling like a mental patient.

I expected to have roller coaster emotions. I knew I would have both good and bad days. I didn't know that I would have good-bad-good-normal-bad-good days. I have now entered crazy town!

Yesterday was horrendous! I woke up mad as a hornet and it went downhill from there pretty quickly. Not surprising considering everything going on right now. Imagine my delight when I woke up this morning rested and relatively happy. The dark rain cloud that had followed me yesterday was gone. Today was getting better too. I had no trouble getting to work, people were treating me like normal again, everything was going great.

I don't know what happened. By late-morning I was unhappy. I had gone from rested and cheerful to scrooge. Then, just as quickly as before, I was really happy. It was like a bi-polar episode. I started to feel normal again and then scrooge was back. Right now I'm feeling fine again. I'm back to the normal me, for the moment anyway.

I am beginning to wonder, did Aliens abduct me in the night and implant a crazy gene? In all seriousness though, this is really not cool. First, what the crap?! Second, why doesn't anyone tell you about feeling like this? Third, what the crap?! And fourth, how do I make it stop?

It is probably my lack of patience, but I'm ready to get off this train. I know time will solve everything and I was fine with that. I don't know how fine I am with it now that I've turned into someone I don't even recognize though. Doesn't my body know that I can only handle one mood at once?

I guess I'll just add this to the list of things to expect. I'm sure tomorrow will be better. It's all part of the process. This sucketh!

Dictionary of Becky
Sucketh - Slang. Sucking on a biblical level